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T O P I C R E V I E WPixieJaneNothing long here, just the question. If you think you're different (better or worse), do you know why? For example, perhaps when you were a kid adults used their power against you mercilessly (and they do tend to care about where you fall in the social hierarchy of your peers which shapes the arbitrary injustice to whether it's in your favor or not) so maybe if that was no longer the case as an adult then you got to care less about how you were perceived. OTOH, maybe someone who feels just as harshly judged and insecure as an adult as they did in school may have never escaped the genuine need of the approval of authority & peers (that is, what they thought of you really did determine what your life was like, and therefore it's tied into the survival instincts). I've even heard one guy who said he was less insecure as a kid because his silliness was tolerated then (but got him in trouble as he got older) and the world hadn't kicked his butt a few times yet.I'm especially curious to hear from those who feel harshly criticized here at LL (and imagine "scathing, judgmental tones" in posts), was it worse as a kid? If not, did circumstances change as you got older as for being dependent on the approval of authority & peers in order to get ahead (or even just not fall behind)? Conversely, could it be psychic scars that makes the past intrude on the present? I know the standard theories promoted by psychologists and the like, but I'm having my doubts about those theories. I don't want dogma or stock answers, I want experience delivered with fearless introspection. teaselI was.I have a neediness that comes and goes. I realize at times that I've been hoping for someone to come around, and it just wasn't going to happen (a few times). It's such a relief when I no longer had to deal with them (I'm not talking about anyone from LL) - a weight was lifted, when I no longer had to deal with digs/passive-aggressive attitudes.I'm still not feeling so well, although today was better, so I might be back to say more. I haven't read your whole post (yet).12muddyIt was a mixture of anger, frustration, insecurity...etc...Anyway... When I was growing up, being a child meant that I was pretty much at the bottom of the food chain. Had no control over any aspect of my life, had no power of choices. Must do what the adults said. The thoughts I had weren’t in line with what they deemed as “right” and they tried to weed those thoughts out. It hurt because I knew I disappointed my parents, caused them worries and grief by being me. It made me doubt myself. Hmm, now I’m not like that simply because my circumstances have changed. To a certain degree I have the freedom that I wanted. I’m not small and dependable anymore so yeah that gives me a little power to control my life. As for my parents, eventually I realized that it wasn’t entirely my fault. So although I know they are disappointed that I don’t turn out the way they want, I don’t feel “responsible” for that anymore. FaithnvmRandallI was.RandallI grew out of my shell.
If you think you're different (better or worse), do you know why? For example, perhaps when you were a kid adults used their power against you mercilessly (and they do tend to care about where you fall in the social hierarchy of your peers which shapes the arbitrary injustice to whether it's in your favor or not) so maybe if that was no longer the case as an adult then you got to care less about how you were perceived. OTOH, maybe someone who feels just as harshly judged and insecure as an adult as they did in school may have never escaped the genuine need of the approval of authority & peers (that is, what they thought of you really did determine what your life was like, and therefore it's tied into the survival instincts). I've even heard one guy who said he was less insecure as a kid because his silliness was tolerated then (but got him in trouble as he got older) and the world hadn't kicked his butt a few times yet.
I'm especially curious to hear from those who feel harshly criticized here at LL (and imagine "scathing, judgmental tones" in posts), was it worse as a kid? If not, did circumstances change as you got older as for being dependent on the approval of authority & peers in order to get ahead (or even just not fall behind)? Conversely, could it be psychic scars that makes the past intrude on the present?
I know the standard theories promoted by psychologists and the like, but I'm having my doubts about those theories. I don't want dogma or stock answers, I want experience delivered with fearless introspection.
I have a neediness that comes and goes. I realize at times that I've been hoping for someone to come around, and it just wasn't going to happen (a few times). It's such a relief when I no longer had to deal with them (I'm not talking about anyone from LL) - a weight was lifted, when I no longer had to deal with digs/passive-aggressive attitudes.
I'm still not feeling so well, although today was better, so I might be back to say more. I haven't read your whole post (yet).
Anyway... When I was growing up, being a child meant that I was pretty much at the bottom of the food chain. Had no control over any aspect of my life, had no power of choices. Must do what the adults said. The thoughts I had weren’t in line with what they deemed as “right” and they tried to weed those thoughts out. It hurt because I knew I disappointed my parents, caused them worries and grief by being me. It made me doubt myself. Hmm, now I’m not like that simply because my circumstances have changed. To a certain degree I have the freedom that I wanted. I’m not small and dependable anymore so yeah that gives me a little power to control my life. As for my parents, eventually I realized that it wasn’t entirely my fault. So although I know they are disappointed that I don’t turn out the way they want, I don’t feel “responsible” for that anymore.
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